I Told You I’d Be Back

Actuary Student’s Log: Day 700

Dear Diary,

Exams went well, but there were casualties. We lost a calculator in there. I guess there are only so many times you can watch someone calculate premiums the long way before you just give up. Must be tough, having no mouth when you desperately need to scream “Just Use Fucking Excel! And stop using me to spell out cusswords!” We gave him a quiet burial and were drinking to his memory before someone reminded me I could just change the batteries. Oops. Braving the thunder and stares of the weirdos who hang around the graveyard late at night we dug up the grave but he was already gone. We gazed around in horror, and suddenly a flash of lightning illuminated a message scratched by the side of the vacant grave: 3704558. Guess I deserved that one. I’ll let him roam about to do his zombie thing, it’s not like he’ll be biting anyone.

Thus concludes the stretching of my atrophied writing muscles. In the spirit of my backness, and return to actually using my gym membership, enjoy some Austrian Death Machine. Comedy thrash makes everything better. Even barely coherent blog posts.


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