Portable Drunken Jackass

Everybody should have a friend who makes you feel good about how drunk you were the last night. Lets call him Fred. Fred’s great. You got sick on the dance floor? Nobody noticed, because Fred’s fighting two bouncers who tried to stop him squatting one out on the pool table. You struck out with the cute girl/guy with the pink hair? Don’t feel bad, Fred’s explaining to the ambulance guys just how he got his manhood stuck in the fence. You woke up with more vodka in your blood than blood? Fred woke up addicted to crystal meth. You need a Fred. Especially on St. Patrick’s day. And if you don’t personally know one, technology has delivered us to a bright new future where you can have one delivered to your music player of choice. Not a lot of people know this, but Dropkick Murphys, best known for rocker pub anthem Shipping Up To Boston, have an angry streak. So tomorrow morning, if you’re into catchy punk, and are waking up outside a prison cell, throw this rage-filled little ditty on. It’ll remind you that  there’s a crazier, drunker sonnuva/daughteruvabitch out there who makes you look like a nun. A sexy nun. Maybe that’s just my beer goggles kicking in. Dropkick Murphys sell songs for money on iTunes here.

What? You’re still reading? Oh, fine, confession time. I’m sitting out Paddy’s day this year. Annoying stuff like professionalism and not being an asshole is getting in the way. You didn’t take that stuff above seriously, did you? Listening to Dropkick Murphys dumbass vaguely homophobic punk assault hungover is a pretty daft idea. If you’re staying in like myself, then here’s a happy little  slice of upbeat pop punk to keep you ticking over. It even fits in with the day’s theme, in the most boring, literal way possible. But the lyrics are charming in their plaintiveness and the music is pretty and catchy. Y’know the drill, if  you want to support the artist, their iTunes is right here. Happy Patrick’s Day! Now where did I put those actuarial tables?


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